Decision Making

I've been corresponding via e-mail with a friend of mine - a friend, by the way, who I wish had a blog of her own (hint, hint) as she is wickedly funny and insightful. This friend is a fellow fence straddler in that we both, at least on this subject, see valid points all around - neither of us would categorize the education of children as a black and white, cut and dried issue. Our written exchange has got me thinking about how it is, exactly, that I make any major decisions as a parent what with so many alternative options always hovering over my shoulder. When you are naturally quite wishy-washy (notice my telling blog title), spending an exorbitant amount of time, wasting a foolish amount of energy on neither here nor there quandaries such as what kind of conditioner would work best on my frizzy hair or which movie to rent from Blockbuster, coming face to face with something life changing can be daunting, to say the least.

And yet here I am: a mother to four children all born at home (or in various apartments throughout the city of Chicago to be exact), an Orthodox Christian convert, and the soon to be talk of our neighborhood - once word gets out that the Sabourin kids will not be at the bus stop, or in anyone's classroom, this fall. Even I look back with surprise at how I got here, more convinced than ever of a God and His master plans. Take the Orthodox thing, for example, as it represents clearly how my mind and spirit cringe most nervously at the weight of a given impossibility just shortly before stepping into it like a custom made dress that fits perfectly.

My first reaction to the Church was, "H-m-m, interesting for someone, anyone else!" I then switched my tune to, "Well, there is certainly more to it than I originally estimated, but a move in that direction would be too extreme." After more studying and praying and observing, I became seriously intrigued but was saddened by the fact that my friends and family just wouldn't understand, and thus better for now to stay put in my current circumstances. But then finally, after two years as a bystander, the longing to convert became simply overwhelming. I could hardly bear to attend one more Liturgy without communing as a member. My ever increasing desire for the Orthodox Church drowned out the stubborn nagging of my doubts. I knew, then, I was ready to be Chrismated.

It was the exact same pattern with Homeschooling:

1: "Good for you!"

2: "I see your point, but it just wouldn't work for this period of our lives."

3: "Man, I would like to, but people would think we were crazy!"

4: "I want my kids with me now, under my guidance and influence, regardless of the upheavals and opinions of others!"

It's a miracle is what it is, my embracing of challenges too big for my flighty tendencies. Christ is wise in His dealings with me, revealing just as much of His will as I can handle - leading me one day, one small revelation at a time toward an unknown future. I don't know what is best for your children or their children or anyone else's children who don't live under this roof or share my last name. But I believe that prayers for guidance, despite the trembling in our voices, will eventually lead to answers clear and specific. So I wait now, with my imperfect faith, for the strength to follow through on this endeavor.